Now before we all start walking in different directions, just hear me out. Sorry, read me out. There was a time in my life when if you offended me I’d be dead to you – I mean “delete your phone number”, “delete any photo of us together” and act as if you never existed kind of stuff. It went on for quite long. I knew it was not a healthy way to deal with issues but it was easy to put issues under the rug. I was advised that I had to separate myself from people that are leeches. But they were not leeches, they were people that I had good times with, laughed, and even cried with. How come little lapse in judgment and usage of a few harsh words brings down years of friendship? I know not.
This one time, I had this girlfriend who got drunk and wrote a slew of profanity and other mean stuff to me while we were chatting online. This was a friend who was a bestie. I am not good at confrontations – I defended myself and then just melted into the puddle of another broken relationship. A few months later, I bumped into this now-not-my-friend and she apologized and said she missed me. If it was the old me I’d be like yeah sure, and then never follow-up. But I had resolved that I would give myself and other people benefit of the doubt. We tried to connect but like a broken mirror, our friendship could not be put together. I am still proud of myself that I gave my heart a chance to mend something – I can always look back and say that I tried.
It’s all about the heart.
We make mistakes; then hide them or deny them. We might get angry and say something hurtful but one thing we should always do is learn from our mistakes. By pushing matters under the rug, we are denying our heart the opportunity to heal and move on. We cannot control what others do or say to us but our response to them and ourselves must come from a place of Grace. Forgiving is one of the hardest things (well other than parenting). When I struggle with forgiveness, I surrender it to Jesus because some things are beyond my capacity (how do I forgive someone who molested me when I was little?) but I can move on in life without carrying any guilt or poison in my heart for someone who has hurt me. See, it’s all about my heart and yours. Give someone another chance if they ask your forgiveness. Give yourself another chance at love, friendship or anything you failed at first try – some things are worth doing twice.
How do you resolve hurts? Do you give others a second chance? Do you give yourself a second chance?